Step Families

We discussed divorce and step families this week in class. I actually come from a divorced family so I can relate in a number of ways. My parents divorced when I was just a baby, so i have grown up with just my mom and sister. My father remarried when I was around 13, and she had a son from a previous marriage. They had a child together so I have a half brother as well. I did not live with my dad and step mother so i did not have to deal with a number of the difficulties that come with a step family.
One thing that I am so sure of that would have been difficult for me growing up would be the disciple. Especially if my mom would have remarried but she never did.
Some guidelines for discipline:
- "not my mom/dad"
- it takes a least 2 years to reach normality
- biological parent needs to do the heavy parenting
- give support and warmth
- the couple needs to conference together

I can see how the couple conferencing together can be so very important. It is important that the couple is on the same page. They need to have the same rules for the house and the same ways to discipline. Especially when there is children from both parents. They need to act as one so children will not come between them.

Parenting

This week in class we discussed parenting. I think it is so important for parents to take the time to learn what is proper ways to parent their children and to really be aware of the effect they have on their children.
Here are a few reasons of why we parent that was discussed in class:
- microcosm of eternal life
- continue on to future generations
- practice of the godhead
- the children have the same genetics as the parents making it a bit easier to address their needs
- opportunity for constant, intimate teaching and learning

I really liked the discussion we had in focusing on the child's needs and not their behaviors. To really think about why the child is behaving the way they are as opposed to just think that there child is being crazy or ridiculous.
"You can never get enough of what you don't need, to satisfy what you do need." I really like this quote because it doesn't matter how hard you try to get these needs through other means like doing drugs you will never find the satisfaction you desire.

Here are some things that wise parents do:
- offer contact freely
      - within appropriate bounds
     - as accepted by the child
- teach to contribute
     - do chores, help around the home
     - young women, scouting, sports teams, etc.
     - alway encourage to help family
- encourage responsibility
     - choices that are age and situation appropriate
     - consequences to actions

I really see how important parenting really is. I definitely want to be a very active parent and learn the appropriate ways to handle children during different situations. I think it is great that we have these resources available to us. By practicing good parenting not only will the children grow and becoming better members of society but the family at a whole will improve and it will help to make a happier, healthier home.

Work and Finances

Work:
There are some really great lessons that we can learn from working together as a family. For example working together as a family can include working in the yard, or having a garden. Doing this together can benefit the family as a whole.
Some benefits of working as a family:
- cooperation
- learn to communicate with each other
- have better feelings and thoughts about family members
- become closer together
- learn to accommodate others
- value other family members more

Finances:
It is great to have a handle on finances. Finances play a really large part in families and having control over finances can help the entire family. It is said that a number of divorces come from financial problems. If we can understand finances better we can hopefully prevent divorce that might occur in the future. Having a control on ones finances can help you to have better control of your life in general.

Council Method

Last week in class we talked about the council method. It was very interesting to find out how the first presidency of the church council together.
All of their meetings have an agenda, and they meet every week. At the start of every meeting they express love and concern for each other, then pray, discuss to consensus of the lord's will, then pray again and have some type of dessert.
I really like the idea that everyone has the opportunity to speak their own mind and everyone has the ability to receive personal inspiration.
I really think this is a great idea for every family, and I hope to implement this method when I have my own family.
I think it would have made a big difference in growing up if I would have had this relationship with my mom. I see how it can be really beneficial to every family.

Family Crisis

I have really enjoyed learning about family crisis this week in class. It is really interesting the ways in which family deal with crisis and the effects that it has on the family dynamic.
We discussed the ABC's of family crisis.
A- Actual event
B- Behavioral response
C - Cognition
X- total eXperience

We are not able to control the actual event that occurs but we do have power in over how we think about the event and the actions that we take because of that. I think it is super important to know that we all have the ability to choose what we think and how we react to every situation. It seems that we often take ourselves out of the situation thinking that we really have no control over anything. But, the cool thing is, is that we really do. Thoughts lead to actions, so it is important to make our thoughts what we want them to be then we can control our actions.
It is awesome that we can take from these stressful family situations and make something better out of it. Another concept is to learn from what is going on and prepare ourselves for stressors in the future.

Friends, and Fidelity

For this week in class one of the topics that we discussed had to do with friends and fidelity.
There is a friends model and an eternal companion model. Here is a list of the two different model types:

Friends model
- cross-gender buddies without consequences
- flexible boundaries
- endless fun, few responsibilities
- perpetual hangout sessions

Eternal Companion model
- total allegiance to spouse or there will be consequences
- firm clear boundaries
- limits to fun; seemingly endless responsibilities
- perpetual growth opportunities

A couples relationship really needs to focus on the eternal companion model. This way the couple can be a strong couple and stay together with these mutual understandings.
I think what I have really learned through this class is the importance of communication. I think communication is where relationships are built and broken. Also, many things need to be discussed before marriage and boundaries need to be set. Because there isn't much time once a couple is married and starts having children to discuss these things and set proper boundaries. Following steps like having boundaries and not spending time alone with anyone from the opposite sex is really important in helping to prevent infidelity within the marriage.

Avoiding Baby Blues

I wasn't too surprised when we learned in class this week that marital satisfaction decreases with the birth of the first child and then continues to decline with each subsequent child. It makes sense that this is a reason why couple decided to not have any children or to put it off for years. I really liked how we discussed ways in which couples can prevent the decline in marital satisfaction. Here is a few that we discussed in class:
- involving the husband in prenatal check up
- involving the husband in the babies kicks and movements
- thinking of the others needs
- making the pregnancy about the couple not just the baby
- planning how to raise the child before the birth

I really like that there are ways in which a couple can continue to have marital satisfaction with each child. I think its great that we discussed this, because now in the future I can definitely apply it in my own life when I eventually get married and have children.