Dating, Love, and Marriage

This week in class we discussed dating, love and marriage. When dating we have been guided by Elder Oaks to the 3 P steps to dating. Paired off, planned ahead, and paid for. These are the guidelines in which we are to follow. Someone in class mentioned the comparison they have to the divine roles and duties of a husband and father. They are protect, preside, and provide. They match up with the dating steps. Paired off -> protect, planned ahead -> preside, and paid for -> provide. This is a model that if we will follow while dating it will continue through the marriage, making it stronger.
Another thing we talked about was the different types of love. They are agape, eros, storge, and philia. Agape is having love for someone without necessarily liking them. Eros is the passionate love. Storge is love between a parent and child. Philia is the friendship, brotherly love. Everyone thinks that eros which is the passionate, romantic love, and that this love is the key to a marriage and relationship. This love is often idealized in movies and on TV. It is a important to have this love but it is important to have all the types of love within a marriage to make it strong and long lasting.
An aspect of marriage that we discussed that I have never really thought about before is the fact of consecration in marriage. It is important for the couple to put everything they have on the table and become as one. Not only including material things but also time, and talents. I have seen many couples that live parallel lives meaning that the man has the money, and his toys; then the women has the house and kids. This couple is living their lives separate from each other and not working together as a unit, or as one.
One last thing: it was mentioned how God gives us commandments and tells us to do this, and don't do that. He does all of this as a guide to us. He knows what is best for all of us, and knows that if we follow his council we will be happier, and more blessed. This also helps to prevent many problems that might arise in our lives. We just need to trust in the Lords wisdom and do as he asks.

Gender Differences

This week we discussed gender differences. It was interesting to learn the differences between males and females. Here is the list of gender differences:
Females tend to be nurturing, cooperative, detail oriented, use landmarks for direction, verbally expressive, emotionally minded, have a focus on relationships, and more open.
Males tend to be aggressive, protective, competitive, spatially orientated, action based, analytical, task oriented, and reserved.
I think it is great that we are all made with different characteristics and attributes. Men and women are meant to compliment each other. I think it is nice to have attributes that are typically in one gender in another. I think that the move toward women equality is important and great but it also is good for each of us to have our differences and accept each other with them. It would be such a boring world if everyone were the same. I think that there needs to be more of a focus on acceptance of people with many different characteristics and attributes.

Marriage and Immigrant Families

One thing that we touched on in class that I thought was really interesting is when we were discussing African American Families. Some challenges that they face are high percentage is unmarried (70%), lower education, often live in a violent locale, have extended family in the home, low income, and lower career aspirations. This is based on the average. It was interesting how all of these relate to one another. For example by having a low education, therefore the family would have a low income, which they would likely be living in a violent locale. Something that really hit me was that the single act of marriage could improve all of these things. I normally wouldn't think that marriage could have such a big impact but it really does make a big difference. It not only benefits the couple that is married but future generations down the road.

I also thought it was interesting when we looked at mexicans who immigrated to America. I never thought of all the challenges these families would have to face. I completely understand that the parents feel it is best for their children to come to America to give them the best possible opportunities they can. I just never realized how hard it is on the whole family structure. It must be difficult to leave a number of close family members behind. It is no wonder that many families may feel isolated and more alone. It is so interesting that families will change their roles and adapt to living in a new environment and changes within the family unit. I wonder how these families feel in hindsight. Do any families regret their decision, and decide to go back to Mexico? Also, how much are the children benefited by living here in America? Do they feel it is all worth it?

Family Systems

It was really interesting learning all about family systems in class this week. It is kind of difficult for me to put my family under a certain family theory but I feel like there is a bit of all of them in my family.
I really liked the concept of family mapping and the subsets that each family has. I have a fairly small family I have grown up living with just my mom, sister, and myself. Now that my sister is married, and Im not living at home its difficult to really have a definite family map. But, I do remember a time when I was fairly young, about 8 to 12, when I was the problem child. I really had difficulty controlling my emotions and I could be a real pill. So, during that stage in my life I definitely separated myself from my family and had trouble relating to them. I really felt like my mom and sister were together and both against me. I put up a rigid boundary, and excluded myself. I was even brought in to have counseling one on one with a psychologist but I feel like it didn't do much good. Of course by now I have grown out of whatever stage I was in and completely get along with, and have no problems with my mom or sister.
We discussed in class how one person with a problem really effects everyone else in the family unit, that is so true. I wish that when I was going through hard times that my family would have had family counseling not just personal counseling for myself. I didn't know how beneficial it could have been. I think it really makes a lot of sense though. Because how we interact with one another as a family is really important and makes all the difference. It is great that all families through the help of counseling can change and grow closer together. I think its awesome that changes that can occur within families.